By Donna Neste
Dear Council Member Chavez,
I have this great idea that should solve our encampment problems. Minneapolis should start a program called “Adopt a Tented Household Program.” So, when the activists come around and start yelling at the police because they are guarding city workers moving a camp that has attracted violent crime and destruction to a residential area in the “containment zone” for months on end, you can hand them a pamphlet explaining the new city program. Walk them through the bullet points below before they take on this daunting task.
- Adopt a tented household from the encampment.
- You don’t even have to bring them into your parent’s suburban home, where you are living in their basement. All you have to do is let them pitch their tent in the backyard and allow them to make their connection with their drug dealer there.
- But make sure you are careful because most dealers are “packing” and there may be some gun-play.
- So, don’t piss off the dealers. Your dad may wake up one morning to find his BMW sprayed with bullets. Worst yet, they may even burn down Mom and Dad’s house, if they get riled enough.
- Make sure your parents lock their house up real good, (24/7) because those homeless drug users may be non-violent, (unlike the dealers) but they are NOT above stealing everything in sight to support their habit. Also, suggest to your parents that they store away the lawn furniture as long as your campers are there and lock the bikes, scooters, tools etc. in the garage 24/7 unless in use.
- Feed your adopted tented household every day. The up side of that is that you don’t have to drive into the ghetto anymore in order to feel like the sainted person you think you are.
- Be sure to pick up their needles every day, so your little sister and/or brother don’t get one stuck in his/her foot.
Just a reminder Council Member Chavez. Most activists are not your constituents. However, us residents of Phillips Neighborhood are.
Peace.
Donna Neste
*Follow-up*
Dear CM Chavez,
The other day, while riding my bike around the beautiful lakes of Minneapolis, something I frequently do to get out of the “containment zone” with all the crime that I live in, I came up with another great idea for the drug users who populate the encampments. “Take an Encampment on a Vacation Program,” is a program that would make it equitable for encampment residents, to also be able to enjoy the lakes (and I know how concerned the City Council is about creating equity for all citizens of Minneapolis).
This is how it would work: Commandeer a city bus to load up an encampment population with all their tents and stuff and bring them to a pleasant grassy area around one of the Lakes. A 2-block piece of flat land below a few multi-million dollar homes that sit above a rolling hill between Sheridan and Thomas Ave. on Bde Maka Ska Parkway is a perfect example. Let them pitch their tents on that land for an extended vacation. The city would not even have to supply a hand-washing station or a biffy, as there is a lake right across the street in which they can enjoy taking a dip and washing themselves every day. Also there are far more biffies around Bede Maka Ska than have ever been offered to encampments, and they are in walking distance. This vacation probably wouldn’t last very long, because when the housed neighbors in that neighborhood start to complain, the city will be there in a New York minute to give the campers a lift back to the containment zone.
Just a reminder Council Member Chavez. Most activists are not your constituents. However, us residents of Phillips Neighborhood are.
Peace.
Donna Neste
Donna Neste is a resident of Minneapolis
This isn’t a serious letter about a serious problem. Dehumanizing the residents of homeless encampments does not solve the problem. Chavez deserves to be challenged on this issue. This letter doesn’t do that. Do better.
The encampment residents have already dehumanized themselves. The residents of the ward deserve better and that is what the writer is trying to convey. The Chavez plan isn’t working. Enter writer sarcasm. Chavez just isn’t doing his job. He’s all hat and no cattle.
Many of these DSA endorsed/ aligned CMs live in high end, newer apt bldgs, with all manner of incredible amenities and security features which include hyper secure, monitored parking. None of them, despite professing to being all about the ” common man,” would ever consider living near an encampment, ie, an open air drug house/ market, or using any of their excessively high income, that we pay them, to self fund even one individual who lives at or frequents these drug camps.
Donna this is excellent. I also think its important to point out that Jason Chavez is a proud renter, so when there’s trouble in his back yard he moves to another nice apartment building that’s safe and secure. When a homeowner has a drug encampment as a neighbor it’s not that easy. No one wants to buy our houses when we have tents and drug dealers on our block. But Chavez has no support for home owners even though our high property taxes are paying his salary.
Thank you! This really helps in understanding the situation more fully.
This is FANTASTIC, Donna. Best of all: Start a drug encampment in Chavez’ backyard. Of course if there are problems, it may take the police a while to respond because, after all, we still face a major shortage of officers. But, Jason, with your superior communication skills, you can talk those gun-slinging drug dealers into not shooting you or anyone else in their way–or territory. Right, Jason?