My name is Ipalibo Da-Wariboko. I am a 35 year old black man, who was born in Nigeria and has lived around the world, including the fancy places – London, Boston, New York City. And I love Minneapolis. I have loved it ever since I came here for the first time at 23 years old. I am working to make it my permanent home by building a business with my friends, working to solve civic challenges, and being a kind, smiling face to everyone I meet.
But I have to admit something. In the recent past, I’ve fallen victim to the traps that create political violence. I’ve felt the anger, pain and sadness that lead to violence. I got lucky as I’ve been all my life and found a path forward. I will try to share my journey and, in doing so, offer ideas for solutions to a challenging complex problem.
To begin, for the past 3 – 4 months, I have removed myself from all social media – Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn – all of it. I don’t think I am ever going back.
You see, I remember waking up one Saturday with the intention of going for a run, then working on a project before exploring the city. As soon as I woke up, I picked up my phone and intuitively opened Instagram then YouTube. I scrolled for maybe 30 minutes, maybe 60 minutes, maybe 90 minutes – I don’t recall. It was so addicting. It made me feel connected, understood, sad, angry, motivated, tired, and blissful. Flick after flick, I laid in bed and took in the world. The algorithm was perfect for me.
But I knew something wasn’t right. Lying in bed missing workouts was costing me my six-pack abs, which I worked so hard for. (Yes, I know that sounds narcissistic, but you try getting a six-pack in your mid-30s!). But more than that, I felt drained after finally ending the scroll. I also felt sad and distrustful. The world seemed dark after each morning scroll.
After a while, I returned to therapy to identify my feelings and find solutions. This decision created a reflective mindset for me. I started to think about my lifestyle and become more observant. I observed that my negative feelings were valid. There are challenges in the world, in our country, and in our wonderful city. But I also observed that my negative feelings were made worse by social media. Let me give you examples.
Within minutes of being on YouTube Shorts or Instagram Reels, which each last 30 seconds at most, I was served a Short or Reel of a Veteran describing the horrors of war, a declaration of why modern dating is terrible, an analysis of how the ‘system is screwing us,’ and a rich people and business are intentionally evil clip.
Here is the thing – every negative Short or Reel had a seed of truth.
Yes – war is terrible. Yes – modern dating, driven by apps, can be difficult. Yes – there are issues in our system that make it difficult to achieve the American dream. Yes – there are companies, and billionaires that do bad things to achieve their personal interest.
But none of these truths are constants in life.
Life isn’t always a war. Most days are peaceful and easy – if you don’t mind cooking and cleaning. Being a man is not just about being a physical protector. Dating has always been a challenge – for men and women – and part of the joy of finding the right partner is overcoming that challenge. And becoming rich and wealthy doesn’t require you to be evil nor does becoming so necessarily make you evil.
Unfortunately, we live in a society where we don’t get the opportunity to find the insights. Understanding these requires interacting with people from different walks of life in a community. Sadly, today, we live in a lonely society. Yes, even here in the wonderful city of Minneapolis.
In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General issued a public health advisory naming loneliness and isolation an epidemic (source). Recent surveys indicate that about 33% of adults report feeling lonely, with many experiencing disconnection from friends, family, or the broader world (source). This is even more true among young adults and young men. 57% of Gen Z (18 – 24) say they experience loneliness daily or several times a week (source). And a fourth of young men under 35 struggle admit to struggling with loneliness. In contrast, only about 17% of adults aged 65 and older report frequent loneliness (source).
Hold on – let me make sure you heard the most important data point:
FIFTY-SEVEN PERCENTAGE (57%) OF PEOPLE 18 – 24YO SAY THEY EXPERIENCE LONELINESS DAILY OR SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK.
Minneapolis’ average age is 33 years old. If you know anything about statistics, you know that means we have a lot – a lot! – of young people. So, I will say it again:
FIFTY-SEVEN PERCENTAGE (57%) OF PEOPLE 18 – 24YO SAY THEY EXPERIENCE LONELINESS DAILY OR SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK.
With such deep hurt and pain, a lot of these young people and men turn to social media, which feeds them an endless stream of dopamine drip built around the idea that the world sucks.
We seriously need to solve our loneliness crisis.
Solving it requires a multi-faceted approach that enables young people, especially young men, to:
- Strengthen existing relationships with family and friends by having influential voices modeling this behavior.
- E.g., can we get Anthony Edwards with his mom and best friend on local news telling a funny story about his early games?
- Build new connections and relationships through clubs, classes and community activities.
- E.g., can we have LifeTime and the YMCA partner with the Twins, Timberwolves and Vikings to create recreational leagues with awesome prizes such as box suite tickets to playoff games?
- Seek professional help when are struggling.
- E.g., can we partner with Kevin Love, former Timberwolves and NBA champion winner, who has openly shared his mental health struggles, to do community talks about the power of admitting when you are struggling?
- Discover meaningful hobbies and interests.
- E.g., can we partner with the arts and culture institutions in the city to provide discount tickets to young people and competitions that give aspiring creatives a chance to display their work?
- Have fun.
- E.g., can we… (my mom will read this)
If we want to solve political violence, we need to address the root cause. Loneliness and the overreliance on social media for community, which it creates (especially for young men).
We are Minneapolis – one of the best cities in the world in terms of talent, wealth, and opportunity. We have power. We can solve this. So, let’s solve this.
So simple, and yet so difficult: to work on the things that matter. It always has been, but we’ve put so much energy into our distractions we’ve made it that much harder to pull away. Addictions are always more profitable than healthy engagement, so on one hand we encourage them. Then with the other hand we judge, condemn, and attempt (largely unsuccessfully) to “treat” them. It’s a crazy-making system. But I’m encouraged to see this clearheaded essay: some self-observation was all that he needed to see what was happening. We don’t change until we see for ourselves that we have a problem.
Loved the article especially the suggested remedies but might want to substitute Anthony Edward’s sister or other former caretaker or coach as his mother his mother died when he was still a minor.
What an amazing piece thank you so much Marvel!. Very thought-provoking.